sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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