Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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