Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
