Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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