dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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