drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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