When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
