i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize