whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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