Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
