Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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