please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
