Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
