I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
