i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
