he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Vodka?
Forever.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize