And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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