I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
