Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
