Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
