i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize