Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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