how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
