ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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