I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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