"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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