youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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