Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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