ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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