i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
