arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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