I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I enjoy the company of your penis
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
