don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
high people should be assigned attendants
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
