Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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