Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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