He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize