So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
