I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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