i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
