After last night, I could never be a politician.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
