Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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