Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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