i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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