Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
