i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
