im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
3pm strippers are depressing
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
