You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
