i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
