All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
