woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
