anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
