I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
