i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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