Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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