So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
