it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
