i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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