hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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