let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
