I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
