is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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