Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
