Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
