i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
