ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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