May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
