It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
