so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
