Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
