remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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