dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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