Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Less talking, more tequila
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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