My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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