I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
