Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i came on her dog
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize