I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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