I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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