So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
