i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
