It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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