After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
