Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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