why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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