i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
