Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
