why didn't you poke me back
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the day after is always just damage control
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
PANTIES FOUND
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
