Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
