dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
