I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I had to cum in my sink.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
