to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
