Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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