Im at strip club and am horny
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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