eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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