Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
only you would photoshop your dick
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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