If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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