Can i not drive my cunt home
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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