he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
