theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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