i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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