He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
