So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
not ubering you a puppy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
