dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
