I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
