But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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