I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
