omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
