The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Even the bartender felt bad for me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
