how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
