if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
