i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize