So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
