wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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