then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
